Why am I filming myself?

Contents:

• Technical
• Perfectionism
• You can always reach an agreement with yourself
• The through-line
• Personal dialogue
• Finding answers to internal questions
• Self-irony
• Therapy or something like that
• Denial of the author's identity
• Commercial photography can be interesting

Technical

I first started creating self-portraits in 2016, and the reason for this step were the technical aspects. My wife and I had our own studio, and at some point I decided to practice my skills with lighting on myself. Through the process of creating self-portraits, I mastered studio photography and gradually immersed myself in this art.

Perfectionism

When I started my career, I strived for perfection in every detail. I reshot scenes many times until I achieved a satisfactory result. It could take up to four days to create one frame. It's unlikely that any model could afford such a time commitment.

You Can Always Negotiate With Yourself

Working with yourself as a model is much easier than with others. I work on personal projects in my free time. Self-portraits allow me to avoid having to negotiate with anyone or adjust my schedule to fit others. This gives you the opportunity to fully focus on the creative process and express your ideas without limitations.

Throughout the hero

Explaining things to strangers during a shoot can be difficult. It's much easier to get up, complete a task, review the result, and, if necessary, reshoot. This approach allows you to maintain a consistent character throughout the project, which makes the narrative more coherent and complete.

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Personal Dialogue

While experimenting with self-portraits, I immersed myself in the world of contemporary art. I found inspiration in the book "Art Since 1900" by Rosalind Krauss, Hal Foster, and other authors. Studying various artistic movements, I began creating self-portraits, interpreting the visual images of famous artists. I played with color, textures, and shapes, shaping my own unique reality. This is how the project "If I Were" was born, in which I asked myself questions: what would happen if I became Yves Klein? Or if I were Jackson Pollock? Through my work, I sought to establish a dialogue with these artists, reinterpreting their images and concepts.

Searching for Answers to Inner Questions

The author always responds to current events, including topics such as the pandemic and isolation, as clearly demonstrated by his projects "Safety Cards" and "Quarantine-guy." The world around us always raises pressing questions that are worth paying attention to in order to understand our inner experiences. For example, events in Ukraine prompt reflection on Russian identity and the concept of the "Russian world." My latest photo series is dedicated to a Russian cookbook. These are self-portraits with various dishes that are usually associated with Russian cuisine, but in fact include Tatar, Ukrainian, Uzbek, and other national culinary traditions. In this project, I asked myself: what really constitutes Russian identity?

Self-Irony

Taking a self-portrait always provides space for irony. It's unclear why one should portray oneself as ideal if it doesn't reflect one's true essence. Narcissism is unacceptable for me. In my photographs, I show myself as I am. As part of the Body Care project, I began with dissatisfaction with my wide nose, which had given me a complex since the age of 12. It was only at 23 that I learned to accept myself and abandoned the idea of ​​plastic surgery. In this series of photographs, I experiment with various cosmetic products and procedures that can improve my appearance and help me love myself even more.

Therapy or something like that

The Prozac project, named after the well-known antidepressant, visually reflects the inner experiences of many people suffering from depression. Although I was not clinically depressed while working on the project, I was in a state that could be described as "bad mood." During this period, I was unemployed and tormented by doubts and a sense of insecurity, which created dark images in my mind. Although I don't place much emphasis on art therapy, you could say that this project became a kind of therapy for me. By creating, I move forward, and this helps pull me out of a state of stagnation. Thus, Prozac not only explores the topic of depression, but also serves as a way to overcome personal difficulties.

Denial of the Author's Identity

I do not share the opinion that the search for self-identity and self-acceptance is possible through photography, especially self-portraits. Statements like "Look how ugly I am" or "I weigh 200 kilograms and I accept myself" are a dead end. This approach makes a person hostage to a single idea. In my opinion, the author has no true identity, and this is precisely the essence - the rejection of oneself. The author has many masks that s/he can try on, and working on oneself provides an opportunity to explore different realities. The author acts as a blank slate onto which s/he projects their own ideas. Although I do not consider myself a conceptual artist, I am close to their main idea - the renunciation of authorship. Conceptual art should be relevant and not focus on personal issues like relationships with parents. Art should reflect the world as a whole, and I don't take personal stories in art too seriously.

Commercial photography can be interesting

In commercial photography, I often use familiar artistic tools, although I do not work with my own ideas. Clients come to me with a clear understanding of my style and expect a product that meets their expectations. This creates a more engaging process compared to traditional commercial photography, where everything is strictly regulated by a technical brief. For example, I shot a promotional shoot for Dyson, creating a self-portrait inspired by Joseph Brodsky's poem "Don't leave home, don't make a mistake..." As part of the Marrow transplantation project, I used a self-portrait to create a charity story about bone marrow transplantation. This approach allows not only to express creative individuality, but also to draw attention to important social issues.

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A self-portrait as a form of self-expression and a photographic diary reflects the author's inner world. It provides a unique opportunity to capture one's own emotions and experiences, creating a visual dialogue with the surrounding reality. In photography, a self-portrait becomes not just an image, but a tool for exploring identity and self-perception. Each photo tells a story, allowing the viewer to look into the photographer's soul. Thus, self-portraits and photographs from a personal diary become important elements of contemporary art, emphasizing individuality and a creative approach to life.